We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
