My underwear smells like fireworks.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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