Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
