Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
