dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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