i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
porn star boner night. come get it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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