Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
