i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
