I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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