I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
