dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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