Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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