Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
