i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
