is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
