don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
