How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
