My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
