"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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