the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's never too late to be topless.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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