I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
