I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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