I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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