I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
