So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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