You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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