Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
