Your mouth is God's brothel.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
