Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
