I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
