Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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