Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Houston, we have a blender
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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