Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
