'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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