Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Green mimosas i think yes
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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