After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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