the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
