just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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