its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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