Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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