Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
