I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
