she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize