Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
