Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
