It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
