She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
