I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
