This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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