one two three fourrrrnication!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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