omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
