saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
