i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
