i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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