recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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