your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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