I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
