Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
