i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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