Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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