You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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