My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
