so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
