you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
