too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
