If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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