I wish my penis had an off switch
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
