i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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