Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
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I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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