My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
