brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
