I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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