Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
