Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
