I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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