Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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