Please, let me fuck your mom
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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