doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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