Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
